He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
