You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
