im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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