He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
