cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
