well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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