wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
