you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
