and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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