Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
