Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
