ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
