He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my poor anus
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
