I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
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Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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