He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
