haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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