i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
