you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
