i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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