I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize