I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
