South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
