I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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