I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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