I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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