just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize