My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
