based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
