Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
