Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
