I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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