What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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