How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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