dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize