walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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