i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
