Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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