Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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