So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
