Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
