the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
