You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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