4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
