I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.