I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.