When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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