I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
