i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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