I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
