I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
