i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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