How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
