u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize