um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
