i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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