I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
