Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i love accidental penises.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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