my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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