Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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