if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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