True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
