May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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