I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
