You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How's work?
Spinning.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
