She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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