I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
