Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
