Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
