i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
