I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
