if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
